What Is Codependency? #

Codependency is a stress-induced pattern of behavior that dictates how a person treats another person and how they allow that other person to influence them. The codependent obsesses over the other person and seeks to control them.

Characteristics of Codependency #

Characteristics of codependency fit into three critical categories:

1) Codependents put responsibility in the wrong place. They see themselves as responsible for everyone else but don’t take responsibility for themselves.

2) Codependents neglect themselves in favor of others. They focus on other people so much that they struggle to take care of themselves or let others help them.

3) Codependents can’t see themselves clearly. They can’t receive help or take responsibility because they’ve repressed their feelings, needs, and personality.

What Causes Codependency? #

Codependency is a reaction to prolonged and often extreme stress. This stress leads to unhealthy coping mechanisms, which become habitual over time. These habitual coping mechanisms result in “reaction mode.” This means that you’ll react to things in both healthy and unhealthy ways, but you’ll almost never act on your own volition.

Family Systems #

The source of stress can be subtle, such as underlying family systems. All families have unspoken rules that govern how members behave and interact with one another. Families that discourage open communication are at high risk for codependency.

Practice Self-Care Through Detachment #

Now that we’ve established what codependency is and how it forms, let’s discuss how to overcome it. The most important step in recovery for codependents is detaching from other people by practicing self-care. Codependent people are often attached to others. Being attached to someone else means that all your energy goes into their life, leaving none for yourself.

Practicing Detachment and Self-Care #

Self-care is living a responsible life by being mindful of your needs, wants, emotions, and responsibilities toward yourself and others. An important part of self-care for codependents is detachment. Detachment means taking responsibility for yourself and letting others be responsible for themselves.

Ask yourself this: “What do I need or want in this moment?” Once you know what you need or want, you can work to attain it yourself, ask others for help in attaining it, and prioritize yourself by saying “no” when you don’t have the time or resources to say “yes.”