Gun Metaphor

ByDavid Goodman

There are many things we’d rather not feel. And it makes perfect sense to want to fight off those feelings. But does it work?

Imagine someone puts a gun to your head and says, “If your heart rate goes over 100 beats per minute, I’ll pull the trigger.” What would happen to your heartbeat?

It’s safe to say that your heart rate would spike. And isn’t that interesting? After all, if there was ever a time to exercise control, this situation would be it. For goodness’ sake, your very life is hanging in the balance! But when it really matters, you have no control over your body.

Unfortunately, despite your best efforts, you’ll never be able to fully control your feelings. However, with the realization that you have no true control over these parts of yourself, you might be ready to explore a different strategy – one in which you can allow yourself to let go of control.

Interpreting the Gun Metaphor

The Gun Metaphor serves as a powerful illustration of how our attempts to control internal experiences, such as emotions or physical sensations, can paradoxically lead to heightened distress. Rooted in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), this metaphor challenges our perception of control and invites us to consider a more effective approach to dealing with uncomfortable emotions and sensations.

Breaking Down the Metaphor

Imagine a scenario where someone holds a gun to your head and demands, “If your heart rate goes over 100 beats per minute, I’ll pull the trigger.” The natural reaction, driven by the desire to survive, would be an immediate and overwhelming attempt to calm your heartbeat. However, this intense focus on control would likely have the opposite effect, causing your heart rate to rise even further.

This scenario emphasizes a paradox of human experience—when we attempt to forcibly control certain physical or emotional states, they often become more pronounced. It reflects the struggle many individuals face when trying to suppress emotions like anxiety, sadness, or anger. The harder we fight against these feelings, the more intense they seem to grow.

The Lesson of the Metaphor

The Gun Metaphor aligns with one of ACT’s core principles: the recognition that we have limited control over certain aspects of our internal world. This includes emotions, physical sensations, and automatic thoughts. Just as we cannot truly command our heart rate to stay within a specific range when under immense pressure, we also cannot fully suppress or eliminate difficult emotions.

Efforts to control these experiences—whether by avoidance, denial, or suppression—often lead to greater distress over time. For example:

  • Trying not to feel anxious can, ironically, make us feel more anxious.
  • Avoiding sadness can make it linger longer, as unresolved feelings demand attention.
  • Fighting against anger may escalate frustration, leaving us feeling even less in control.

A Different Strategy

The Gun Metaphor ultimately encourages the adoption of a new mindset—one of acceptance rather than resistance. By acknowledging that complete control is unattainable, we can begin to shift our focus towards strategies that foster psychological flexibility, such as:

  • Acceptance: Allowing difficult emotions and sensations to exist without judgment or resistance.
  • Mindfulness: Gently observing your internal experiences as they come and go, rather than getting caught up in them.
  • Commitment to Values: Focusing on actions that align with your deeply held values, even in the presence of discomfort.

For example, rather than trying to suppress anxiety before a big presentation, ACT would encourage you to allow the anxiety to be present while engaging in preparation that aligns with your goal of delivering a meaningful presentation. This approach enables you to coexist with discomfort without being ruled by it.

Compassionate Application

The realization that we cannot control certain aspects of ourselves can feel intimidating at first. However, it can also be profoundly liberating. Instead of exhausting ourselves in an unwinnable war against our feelings, we can learn to coexist with our emotions and focus on living a richer, more value-driven life.

The Gun Metaphor serves as a call to action—an invitation to explore the possibility of letting go of the control you never truly had in the first place. Through acceptance and commitment, you gain the freedom to respond to life’s challenges with more clarity, openness, and resilience.