Small Things Often

An Insight from the Gottman Method

The Gottman Method, developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, has revolutionized the way we understand and nurture relationships. One of the core principles of this approach is “Small Things Often.” This principle emphasizes the importance of regularly incorporating tiny, positive actions into your relationship to build and maintain a strong emotional connection.

The Essence of “Small Things Often”

Relationships are not solely sustained by grand gestures or significant milestones. Instead, they thrive on the consistent, everyday actions that partners take to show love, appreciation, and support. “Small Things Often” suggests that these small, consistent actions cumulatively have a more positive impact on the relationship than sporadic grand gestures.

Examples of Small Things Often

Here are a few simple yet meaningful actions you can incorporate into your daily routine:

  • Expressing Gratitude: Take a moment each day to tell your partner one thing you appreciate about them.
  • Physical Affection: Simple touches, like holding hands or a quick hug, can strengthen your bond.
  • Active Listening: Show genuine interest in what your partner is saying without interrupting.
  • Surprise Acts of Kindness: A note in their lunchbox or doing a chore they dislike can go a long way.
  • Quality Time: Spend uninterrupted time together, whether it’s a shared meal or a walk in the park.

The Psychological Impact

These small, positive interactions contribute to what Dr. John Gottman calls the “Emotional Bank Account.” Every kind act deposits goodwill into this account, creating a reservoir of positive feelings that can help buffer the relationship against conflicts and stresses. When partners consistently engage in small acts of kindness, they build a foundation of trust and mutual respect.

Conclusion

Integrating the principle of “Small Things Often” from the Gottman Method into your daily life can significantly enhance the quality of your relationship. By focusing on minor, positive interactions, you can build a strong, lasting connection with your partner. Remember, it’s the little things that often make the biggest difference.